Chapter Seven: God’s Higher Calling - In the Midst of Doubts and Fears

“And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?” ~ Matthew 14:31 Darkness and fears over took me. I was overwhelmed and could not look up. The shadows of death surrounded my heart. Wisdom faded from view and I could not trust my own thoughts. Discouragement cut into my heart like a knife and joy escaped me. The terrors of the night seized my heart. I found no peace. My prayers seemed far from me and God was not in all my thoughts. Have these thoughts ever penetrated into your heart? If so, you are not alone in your fears and doubts. There are others that faced the same thoughts. I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears. ~ Psalms 6:6. The wicked, through the pride of his countenance, will not seek after God: God is not in all his thoughts. ~ Psalms 10:4. In the LORD put I my trust: how say ye to my soul, Flee as a bird to your mountain? ~ Psalms 11:1. The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me. ~ Psalms 18:5. For thou wilt light my candle: the LORD my God will enlighten my darkness. ~ Psalms 18:28. O my God, I cry in the day time, but thou hearest not; and in the night season, and am not silent. ~ Psalms 22:2. For day and night thy hand was heavy upon me: my moisture is turned into the drought of summer. Selah. ~ Psalms 32:4. For mine iniquities are gone over mine head: as an heavy burden they are too heavy for me. ~ Psalms 38:4. For innumerable evils have compassed me about: mine iniquities have taken hold upon me, so that I am not able to look up; they are more than the hairs of mine head: therefore my heart faileth me. ~ Psalms 40:12. Though thou hast sore broken us in the place of dragons, and covered us with the shadow of death. ~ Psalms 44:19. My heart is sore pained within me: and the terrors of death are fallen upon me. Fearfulness and trembling are come upon me, and horror hath overwhelmed me. ~ Psalms 55:3-4. In Pilgrim’s Progress, Pilgrim finds himself in Doubting Castle held prisoner by Giant Despair. He sinks down in despair unable to overcome the overwhelming thoughts of failure. Our ignorance of our sin leads us to just shut down and not deal with the root of the problem. At first, we might think we can deal with the doubts on our own. We may have the attitude that no one needs to know of our doubting. But in the darkness of our little home, the darkness will over take us. When we get this way we are now a person struggling with depression or anxiety. When we realize that we need help then we should sit down with only one or two precious godly friends and share with them what we are facing. A lot of times indifference can lead to an unmovable heart. When the LORD stops working in our lives we need to realize that something is wrong. If we don’t see that we’ve come to a wall in our spiritual walk and we are truly saved, we will become flooded by doubts. The Word of God talks about our heart being deceitful and the only one who can know our heart is God. “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” ~ Jeremiah 17:9. God wants to change our lives and cause us to see our lives through His eyes. We are told to examine ourselves in 2 Corinthians 13:5. “Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves. Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates?” Here are some tips that will help us get out of a depressive state. First, we needed to play good godly music. Secondly, we need to play messages of Good Godly preachers. “Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.” ~ John 17:17. Thirdly, we need to recognize that getting consumed with doubt is giving place to the devil. “Neither give place to the devil.” ~ Ephesians 4:27. Fourth, understand that we cannot force ourselves into some spiritual place of victory. We shouldn’t try to fix it or we’ll miss out on what the LORD is trying to teach us! There will be times when we cannot get victory over our thoughts and we may even doubt our salvation. Don’t just give in and let the thoughts have free course. We may hate them but if we don’t deal with them they will overtake us. When we do not deal with thoughts, we are letting iniquity take over. And it ends up being like a never ending vicious cycle. That will continue to drain us. Our thoughts even if they seem right and good are not necessarily God’s thoughts. “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” ~ Jeremiah 29:11. Our mind is not programmed to think like God. God wants to teach us and He uses the fiery trails to break us. It is when we are broken He then can begin working in our lives. “But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand.” ~ Isaiah 64:8. Someone once wisely said, “Sow a thought - reap a habit; sow a habit - reap a destiny.” Our minds are programmed when we are born with a sin nature. And we can’t just delete the program and reinstall a new one. But yet God, who knows our thoughts and our heart, can begin to root out those thoughts and replace them with right thinking. Right thinking comes only by the Word of God. “All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:” ~ 2 Timothy 3:16. Habitual thoughts will flash in the back of our minds without even our thinking on them. We may try to conduct our lives as though everything is alright. But the instability of our lives will cause those doubts to seep through. The first thing that one can notice on a person who is deeply troubled will be their countenance. “Wherefore the king said unto me, Why is thy countenance sad, seeing thou art not sick? this is nothing else but sorrow of heart.” ~ Nehemiah 2:2. We may try to hide our struggles but within weeks the darkness will be so thick that we won’t be able to see a glimpse of sunshine from God’s Word. Don’t turn everything off thinking that is the answer. There will be things that we need to turn off, but there is also going to be things we need to turn on. Turning off the television is a very good idea but sitting in total silence when your mind won’t shut off is not helpful. Ever try to hear from the LORD but can’t get past the walls. When this happens we need to call upon the LORD even when we don’t think our prayers are getting through. Our spiritual immaturity and thinking we know it all will keep us from hearing from the LORD. When we constantly come to the LORD having the attitude “Oh I know that, LORD,” the LORD isn’t going to work in our life because we aren’t opening to hearing from him. “Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful; but became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened.” ~ Romans 1:21. When we long to hear from him He will give us light. “Thou hast made us for Thyself O LORD; and our Heart is Restless until it rests on Thee.” “Blessed is the man that maketh the LORD his trust.” ~ Psalms 40:4. Romans 8 is an excellent chapter read when going through depression or doubt. God always wants to use doubts to teach us some very powerful lessons. One of those lessons is humility. Ask yourself when is the last time you thought of the cross and fell to your knees in gratefulness? Ever think of being in the presence of Jesus, what is your reaction when you think of that moment? Do you fall on your knees in tears, or do you have the attitude “that’s nice” and your heart remains untouched. When you humble yourself Christ will meet you. The doubts might yell out to you but look up! Christ will settle those doubts. Just as Salvation is of God and only God does the saving; So Victory is of God and only God gets the Victory through our lives. Claim the promises of God! “Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.” ~ 1 Peter 1:5. “The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:” ~ Romans 8:16. “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me”. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9. Dear friend, I hope this is an encouragement to you. Maybe, you are facing depression. Please know you are not alone. Maybe, though you have never faced depression, you now have a better understanding of how to be an encouragement to those who are. Depression is a real thing. God wants to use it for His good. The Devil wants to use it to destroy the hurting. Please don’t criticize someone facing depression, that doesn’t help the person but rather just makes things so much worse. And for those of you who maybe facing doubts and fears remember you have a good God who wants good things for you. During my depression, God in His mercy and faithfulness began to give me the glimpses of rays of light through His Word. I came across the quote “Thou hast made us for Thyself O LORD; and our Heart is Restless until it rests on Thee.” Psalms 40:4 became so precious to me. “Blessed is the man that maketh the LORD his trust.” God continued to bring Romans 8 into my life time and time again. God was trying to teach me some very powerful lessons. One of those lessons came when I was watching a video clip of the end of Pilgrim’s progress. When Pilgrim is presented to Jesus, I found myself over whelmed and began to sob. I fell on my knees, in bitter anguish knowing the LORD had stepped into my home. I did not deserve His love and tenderness. Yet Christ loves me anyway. He is the one that did the saving when I received Him. I did nothing but come to Him. I kept asking myself “Why am I saved?” Thinking to myself: “Did I have repentance, and did I have faith. I never said I trust you LORD… does that mean I’m lost?” All these thoughts and more flooded in my aching heart. But I was reminded that all I did was come to Christ and pour out my heart fully believing that if I called on Him, He would indeed save me. So now some years later, I found myself trying to have Victory on my own. But just as Salvation is of God and only God does the saving; So Victory is of God and only God gets the Victory through our lives. I had this burning desire to get closer to the LORD, but each time I tried I was hindered. The more I tried the more I felt like I was running into a brick wall. My sinful self kept getting in the way. I did not fully understand what was happening. But then everything seemed to come together. Here I was in this Doubting Castle, and all I had to do was start pulling out the promises of God. I began to claim these verses and many like them. Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. ~ 1 Peter 1:5. The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God: ~ Romans 8:16. Trusting God always seemed to be my down fall. God was testing me to see if I would trust Him even when the clouds where the darkest. I failed miserably. But the LORD in all His love and faithfulness kept chiseling out the dross in my life. No sooner was I out from underneath the darkness and another trial hit me hard. Did I look up right away? Of course not! I found myself angry and bitter. Hate flooded my heart and not love! Again I had to fall down on my knees and get lovely rebuked by my Father. I had to pray for God’s love to fill my heart. A wise friend sweetly told me that I failed to trust the LORD and to watch out because until I get it right another trial is around the corner. So another trial did come but this time I caught myself and looked up. God’s not done testing me. I keep thinking of the picture of God being the Master Potter. He Longs to mold me into a vessel of Honor. It hurts to be put through the fire and the waters that cool the clay are at times over whelming and seem too hard for us to bear. “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me”. ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9.